Why?

It seems to be the question of the day. Max Oz discussed why he writes and wiblondie reclaimed her blog space in the name of why she started blogging. Why do we do it? I have a simple answer... I needed a place to organize my thoughts and a place outside of email where I could communicate with my friends and family. I've never been a real private person, so laying it all out in the public domain doesn't bother me much. I keep it fairly anonymous, but specific enough so that those who know me know what I'm talking about.

The question on my mind lately, however, is why do you read it? I ask for no reason other than curiosity. While I do, in fact, write for me and not you, I do enjoy the opportunity to share my thoughts with others... particularly across a medium that does not allow you to interrupt me. Those who know me well know what an irritation that is to me!

I'll be honest. Given my audience I have at times been more selective than I wanted to be in writing, but wiblondie helped draw me back to the point. As a friend of mine said, it is cathartic for me and I shouldn't worry about anyone else's reaction. She then confessed to feeling voyeuristic, but I wouldn't have told her about it if I didn't mind sharing it. Wiblondie and this friend are right. This is my space for my thoughts, right or wrong, and if you don't like it you can stop reading. And if you do keep reading, hopefully you'll find something of value that you can use in life, or at least get a glimpse of my kitchen during one of the few moments when it was clean!

Armed with that defense, I recently became much more open about what's going on, to the extent where I openly questioned the character of regular readers. My statement was strong enough to result in those individuals sharing my thoughts with their friends and family. For this reason, I want to lay it all on the table. I'm going to break my rule and for a brief moment write for you, and not me.

For those of you who I have shared this link with, I'm not talking to you. For those who have clicked to my blog from the blog of a mutual friend, I'm not talking to you either. Nor anyone else who randomly clicked on "Next Blog" from someone else's blog. I'm talking to the people who make regular visits to specifically read what I have written, but who have made a conscious decision not to reach me in any other way.

I'm not going to assume anyone's motives because, frankly, you can imagine how it looks (especially to someone who has been through what I have the last year or two). So, I'm not going to try to figure it out. I may not understand your actions or emotions, but I think I know you well enough as people to trust that at the core you have a good heart. I won't pretend to understand why someone who has had no communication with me in two months would check my blog every 2 - 3 days, but I can make some guesses and here is my response:

• If you're hoping to find some admission of guilt, you won't find it.
• If you just want to know what's going on in my life, you'll only hear parts because I'm selective about what I write.
• If you're looking for a way to keep in touch, you have my email address and phone number. And if you've lost those, you know where I live.
• If you have something you need to say to me, or even just yell at me, then by all means get it out of your system and get on with your life. That's what the comment link is for, or see the previous point. Because if you're angry at me, just reading my blog every few days is only going to remind you of it. If you're depressed that you lost your job, then maybe you should start writing, too.
• If you just like looking at train wrecks, then, well, welcome.

Whatever your reason, I hope you find what you're looking for and hope that you find peace, comfort, forgiveness, healing, or whatever else it is you need in life. I wish you continued success but from here on out, remember that whatever I put out here is for me. You're welcome to read it, but I'd ask that you remember that it isn't written for that reason.

Thanks, wiblondie and completelybrunette, for keeping me on track and reminding me of why we do this. And everyone else, please don't hesitate to leave your comments at any time. I do enjoy hearing from you.