What is support?

My pants are too snug around my waist... it's uncomfortable. I was chatting with wiblondie the other day about how lunch out with friends every day for a week before going back to work followed by lunch with new friends every day during my first week at a new job has resulted in my feeling physically uncomfortable. She suggested that blogging about it might provide some additional level of accountability in undoing those extra few pounds. To her disappointment, I refused stating that most of my friends are so incredibly unsupportive of me when I diet that I don't tell them I'm doing it. She replied, "then maybe that's your topic."

She's right, so I'm going to get on my soap box for a bit. If you have a friend who has specific diet and health goals, as long as that person isn't harming themself, your job as their friend is to be supportive. Telling your friend they look fine and shouldn't be so concerned about their size is not only unsupportive, it is ignorant and insulting unless you know for certain that vanity is your friend's only motivation.

As most of my readers know, I have hypertension (high blood pressure). Most of you know that weight, diet, and stress all contribute to increased blood pressure levels. A couple of you know that my hypertension is not idiopathic, it is secondary to another condition. What this means is that losing weight and eliminating stress might improve my condition but they will not, in and of themselves, cure me. I have bilateral adrenal hyperplasia (also known as hyperaldosteronism or Conn's Syndrome). In layman's terms, I have tumors on both adrenal glands that actively produce excess levels of the hormone that controls electrolyte balance. What this means for me is that my body retains sodium and wastes potassium. Now, if you want specifics on why that is bad, post a comment and I'll get back to you, but for now let's get back back to the point.

I've been thin to average by most people's standards most of my life with two exceptions. I gained a ton of weight when I was pregnant (I dropped 100 pounds in the following three years), and last fall (2004) I gained weight during a month of steroid therapy that I haven't lost yet. I have a handful of goals when it comes to defining my goal weight:

• Fall within the healthy range of body fat percentage for average women (21 - 33%, I usually go for 28% and I'm not a big fan of the BMI calculation)
• Keep my blood pressure under control with minimal medication and diet restrictions
• Keep my bank account under control by wearing the same size clothing for an extended period of time

Notice I did not list seeing how skinny I can get, being attractive to the opposite sex, or looking like the latest pop star as a goal. Frankly, I've been told that when I am at an ideal body fat percentage, I look "too skinny". And when I look "just right" to these same people, they tell me to stop obsessing over how I look. Who is obsessing over what here? I have a five year old son and I obsess over being here for him as he grows up, not whether or not my ass fills out a pair of Levi's too much or too little.

Additionally, whether I am at my ideal weight or not, I will always be on a "diet" because my health requires it. It may not be a weight loss diet, but this is the assumption people make when you choose to eat healthy which brings me to my next point. You aren't being supportive when you make food choice suggestions to your dieting friend if you don't understand their nutrition goals. I had one friend who always tried to push the soup and salad option on me when we ate out because he thought it was a healthy option. Soups are notoriously high in sodium. Then there are the friends who do you the favor of questioning everything you put in your mouth... "are you supposed to have that?" Take a look at a McDonald's nutrition chart sometime.... a medium order of fries has 220 mg of sodium while a ceasar salad with grilled chicken has 1390 (add another 500 if you use two packets of dressing).

If you know someone who is trying to make healthy choices, please support them unconditionally. If you don't understand their choices, ask them to explain, don't just give advice that might be completely contraindicated in their situation. Please remember that while a size 10 might be the ideal size for you, for some body types being a size eight is too big. Finally, not everyone diets because they are emotionally unhappy or uncomfortable with themselves, sometimes it's just because their pants have gotten too tight.