Who am I?

Not much new to report in the job world, although I’ve admittedly slowed down my search a bit. I had a third interview with the technology company mentioned earlier and I’ve found their whole process to be quite interesting and thorough. For that reason, rather than discussing interviews, recruiters, and unemployment benefits, I’m going to spend a bit more time talking about that second interview. OK… honestly, I’m not really obsessing about a single interview, but topics worth evaluating continue to be presented to me and since I originally stated I would write about the job seeking process, I’m grasping at straws to tie my random thoughts back to that subject.

That being said, part of the interview process involved completing an online profile that compares your “every day” personality to your “work” personality (OK, I’m over simplifying, but you get the idea). The basic idea is that the greater the variance, the greater amount of stress you have in adjusting to situations that put you under more pressure, possibly resulting in increased energy usage or inefficiencies. Brilliant! I found this fascinating.

A year or two ago, I was on a business trip and got in an interesting conversation with someone who was attending the same conference. Somewhere during the conversation, we came to the subject of personality traits. I explained that I am a very different person at home and with my friends than I am in the professional world. This person responded in the same way that several others have by questioning how this is possible. “Being” more than one kind of person must involve pretending to be something you’re not. Some people have even gone as far as to tell me that one day I will wake up so confused that I’ll have no idea who I am at all! (I believe that’s called a mid-life crisis… doesn’t everyone go through that eventually?)

I was reminded of this conversation recently when I read a post titled “99%” on wiblondie’s blog. She writes,

“I dabble in a few random hobbies and interests, never really committing myself fully to immerse myself to a comfortable ‘fit’ of knowledge, skill or competency.”

I’m the same way. In fact, one of my biggest fears in having a child was that I don’t stick with anything more than a few years… and you can’t sell a child on eBay! Wiblondie questions things like fitting in, being comfortable in your own skin, self-awareness and, in a previous post, she discusses feeling “done”.

Many people struggle with the “who am I” question (in the famous words of Irene Cara, “Sometimes I wonder where I’ve been, who I am, do I fit in…” Yes, wiblondie, I threw that in just for you!). My answer in the conversation on my business trip was, “I am who the people around me at any given time need me to be.” That’s not pretending to be someone else, it’s being comfortable enough with who you are to be able to adapt to life without losing your sense of identity. We all wear different hats at different times – employee, boss, parent, lover, friend. I am simultaneously an entry-level cello student studying under a high school aged girl and the president of the homeowner’s association of an affluent neighborhood in this nation’s second wealthiest county. Adaptability is definitely required.

My advice to those people trying to figure out who they are is to stop trying. You already know who you are, start enjoying being you. Don’t waste time trying to figure out what you should be or whom you wish you could be. Your family, friends, and past experiences may influence you but ultimately you alone are responsible for and in control of your life. You are the summation of your values, interests, and abilities today. All those things might change tomorrow, next month or next year, but that’s OK. Your identity can be dynamic and still be complete.

So, wiblondie, don’t view your dabblings as attempts to fit in because they make you a distinctive and interesting individual. Perhaps what “you” are is a person who enjoys new challenges and experiences and who thrives on change. You aren’t singularly a runner or a photographer, an afghan-making godmother or a business leader, a future wife or a diva. You are someone who loves to experiment, will fearlessly try almost anything, and who can hold up your end of a conversation on just about any topic. Please don’t ever try to fit into a slot!